If this has been some sort of metaphor for the past year and a half, I'm stopping that now

I was looking forward to coming back to Boston when I was home, but I must say, this has been a disappointing week back. I wish I was still in Bellerose, but more importantly, I wish I was still with the people I'm so insanely lucky to have in my life. If nothing else, coming back to school has reminded me how blessed I am that this isn't it--and that waiting back on Long Island are family and friends who just accept me for who I am (it sounds cliched, but there is really no other way to phrase it.) Since coming back to school, I have felt judged by people who have no right to do so, discouraged by my heavier than expected course load, and frustrated in the face of rejection.

So as you can see, all and all, it has been great to be back.

Last night I had a nice little freak out about all of these things, but it didn't make me feel better. I believe only one relatively positive thing has come out of all of this. I've decided to finally buy those fucking pumas I have wanted now since last October (the very first time I saw my roommate wear them.) I doubt that I have to explain these shoes--I talked about them incessantly for over a year now. I've tried to buy them three times, only to fail every time I walk into the store. They aren't exactly a huge investment-- $60 for a pair of sneakers that at this point I actually need. Nevertheless, they have become a material representation of all that I have wanted and not been able to reach over the past year. Fuck it. Of all the real things that I have wanted and lost before I could even get my hands on it, a pair of fucking sneakers should NOT be on the list. Maybe if this was a Disney Channel original movie and I was a 10 year old basketball player from Harlem, a pair of sneakers would be a more appropriate metaphor, but I'm not and if I can get control over one little thing, it's going to be this.