"Oh yeah, I got this car on The Price is Right"

At 11:00 AM I turned on CBS for my morning dose of "The Price is Right."

The opening bid is for a trampoline. I remembered how badly I wanted a trampoline when I was little, but as I watch the model jumping on it during the segment, I realize how the trampoline could possibly be the dumbest, most dangerous toy you could possibly buy for a child.

A young woman gets the closest bid for the trampoline, and before Drew Carey can announce it, she screams, "I WON!"

I realize how much I waste my life watching this damn show, and I go into my text messages to find the number to call about getting my old job back.

The woman is now bidding on something else. I can't see what. A dining room set, perhaps?

My text Inbox: 15 texts

Shit. I deleted the number.

I panic for a moment when I realize that I purged my text inbox without first copying the number of "Donna in Accounting" onto a piece of paper.

A man is bidding on a car. I find the company's phone number on-line, but instead of calling immediately, I decide to see whether or not the man will win that giant red Ford pick-up truck.

It is an intense one. He keeps coming within one number, so they keep letting him play. I remind myself not to yell at the TV if he won. I had experienced a great deal of shame during yesterday's Showcase Showdown; I told the woman on the TV what to bid, and when she did, I felt for a moment as though we really connected.

The man wins the truck. I yell at the TV. Shame overcomes me.

I call, and the woman asks me when I am coming in. I say June 1. She says that's perfect.

My shame subsides and I feel good, until the contestants on "The Price is Right" start spinning the wheel and I find myself yelling at one of the guys to spin again.

Now a particularly confused group seems to be bidding, including a woman wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm 90, Fiesty, and Ready to Spin!" Me too, old woman, me too.

EDIT: Despite what my spell check says, that is what the shirt of the old woman actually said.